Chirag’s Blog

To be honest, no one will ever know what makes me me. That’s the problem I face by being an introvert. I’ve tried to overcome introvertedness in many ways. Ultimately, I find myself going back to that same old shell where I find comfort, which is in itself a big maze. The shell makes me feel like the way Siddhartha felt when he worked with Vasudeva, as an oarsman: someone who was constantly learning. (Read Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha if you haven’t got a clue about what I’m saying)

While I was I school, I had a few crushes and I failed to talk about them to anyone. To this day, I will have a really really tough time telling someone that I like them. Now, there are even more complications involved. Self-awareness, I would say, has become my worst nightmare. Not that it has hurt me in anyway, but it has also prevented me from moving forward. Tonight, while I stare at the ceiling before falling asleep, I am putting myself through some Viva La Vida and Destinations. They are vastly different styles of music yet they are a part of what makes me me. To this day, I can’t say that I’ve had something that has been a constant that I can turn to; to make my thoughts come to order; to bring some order to chaos. Because of music, I can calm myself down a little and drive some thoughts out. After all, its all about control. The problem is that the brain is the hardest part to control. It just confuses you sometimes. Makes you question many things. Why? Why me? That sort of thing.

A few years ago, I heard Rahul Sharma for the first time. The track is called Destinations. It was so beautifully done. I felt as if it was something tailored to my needs. I had never felt so comforted. I used to be very bollywoody for most of my life, but it never grew on me, instead I grew out of it. In my transition period, I could not figure out what to do to calm myself down. Now, its easier, thanks to Rahul Sharma.

The other day, I saw “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.” If you haven’t seen it, rent it and spend some two hours of your time. But be prepared to put some brain into it. I’m not going to say what its about but I will say that it was a pleasant (and not so pleasant also) walk down memory lane. It just made me wonder why I still haven’t been able to properly break my introvertedness. I realized that I was in a relationship where I needed to constantly say how I feel. Sometimes, that’s just not the right kind of attention. Communication between two people is a lot about understanding and accepting the reality, and some of these abilities don’t just develop by themselves, they require proper guidance.

The way I see it now, we introverts are sometimes just afraid of what happens when we put our words out there for everyone to see. Its like a struggle, a fear of disappointment, rejection, failure. So in a sense, as long as our words are just ours, we are fully in control and no one can take them away from us. As soon as they are out, we are left exposed, and that makes us vulnerable. And sometimes, we just don’t want to get hurt. So with that, we build dreams based on whats in our head. Its like being high without taking any drugs. But reality always keeps you in check and sooner or later, you face the music.

And to sometimes sort out whats real and whats surreal, I rely on my Destinations… and now it has a new friend… its name is Coldplay. Thats how I “face the music.”

Okay I have been watching quite a lot of Family Guy lately. In fact, I caught up the whole series in record-time. Just to show everyone a glimpse of what makes this show so addictive, here are some clips. I promise you’ll be ROFL by the time you’re done watching these.

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I recently thought I’d post some things that can keep a brain occupied for quite a bit. At a point in time, I was lead to believe that such illusions actually test to see if you’re “left brained or right brained.” All that is just nonsense talk. Both sides of your brain are very much interconnected. So how we decide to interpret what we see if strictly based on how well we’ve trained our sense of sight. But don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself.

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I find myself in a maze of unprovoked thoughts
Surrounded by the enormity of them each
Pursued and chased into an abyss of irrevocable chasm
Almost always being fed off by a single leech

A barabarian horde, blasting sheer panic and deafening noise
Running wild with its own free will
Shattering every sense that leads to the outside
Preying on my sanity, paralyzing my actions

They hunt and ransack my tranquility
Cloud my judgment, impair my senses
Throw me into an bottomless pit
Wreck every nerve and bind me as I’m tense

All the madness runs amok
Turns my paradise into a world of chaos
But only until a sign from the outside
Finds me and brings me back into reality

Stop thinking so much!

I have had days like this before and today is one of those days. And in these days, I generally reach to my friends. But before I do, I just think about what it is that’s eating me up. Maybe for a change, I’ll just blog it out. I mean that’s what blogs are there for.

So here is a tidbit about Chirag Chhatriwala (if you don’t know who he that is, gee, I don’t really know what to say, I mean this is my blog, duh). I occasionally get gloomy for no apparent reason. I think (yes I have one of things called a brain you know), sometimes too much and against my better judgment. If I knew how to avoid this condition, I would have been able to salvage a few of my black turned gray hairs.

My good friends have often told me to chill and not think too much but its just not something I’m capable of. I don’t know, I guess that’s what happens when you spend years of your life bottling things up, not being able to share things with anyone else. And ultimately, I make a mountain out of nothing. Really, I have only myself to blame for it. I should just stop thinking. I know I know.

Since I’m at home and I can’t really knock myself out with some whiskey sour or a sidecar, I’ll make some nice cup of Bournvita (yes, I still drink that, if you have problem with it, too bad) and by the time I’m done I hope to feel all honky dory. Yeah yeah laugh all you want on the Bournvita tidbit, it doesn’t bother me at all. That’s the closest thing in the house to hot chocolate.

So lets see, If I’m not typing another one of these blogs tonight, I managed to get myself to bed without hammering my thoughts down. Wish me luck.

Terrorism. How do we define it? How can we begin to grasp its reality? How much evidence do we need to see before we can stop sitting around and actually do something about it? The problem is that these questions are all relative. We cannot really understand this as much as those who have lost their loved ones. But we can sympathize and we can do something. We can unify. We can deny the terrorists control over our fear. We can deny them this victory.

Over the past few days, havoc has been wreaked in the city of Mumbai by a group of terrorists who have only one aim: To divide the people and drive them with fear. Mumbai, a city with a population of nearly 19 million, has been a recurring target of terrorism in the past. The 1993 bombings and the 2006 train bombings are just a few examples of such terror which have aimed at damaging the image of this historic city. Many innocent lives were lost and the city grieved their martyrs. Although, there are more than a few dents in this city’s image, the city draws its strength from its people and their courage. The ability of the people to survive and get-on-with-it.

Many heroes fell in their fight against terror and we must remember them for their valor and their determination. They rose to the occasion and did their deeds for their nation. It is because of people like Hemant Karkare that the city of Mumbai can stand undivided after such a tragic event. Now it is time for us to do do our part.

I call this tragic not only because of the fact that hundreds of lives were lost, but its a shame towards humanity. The sheer hatred is unfathomable. It takes a great deal of purpose to bear such hate and it has no ally. When people are shot indiscriminately just for the sake of reducing a historic monument into rubble, simply for demonstrating the reach of terror, we think twice about things like reasoning and rationale. All goes out the window. The only reasoning these terrorists understand is their hatred and their purpose. Just imagine, if they’d instead placed this much passion into something positive.

Its time we take a stand. Its time we voice our thoughts. Its time we said “You have not won, you have united us.” Its time for us to change our attitude and look beyond what has happened. Even if you didn’t know anyone who died or was injured, you are a victim of this terrorist act. You are a victim of acts against humanity. We must bare this burden for those who have died. Because, it could easily have been me or you. We need to stand together and annihilate this threat of terror through our unity. And together, we will win.

What we must understand is that terrorists have no country, no religion, and no honor. All they care about is spreading fear. If we can deny them their goal, we will have moved one step forward in our fight against terrorism. We need to ask ourselves how it was possible for something like this to take place. We need to ask questions of our leaders and make sure they do their part in ensuring our safety. This has happened in New York, London, Mumbai… It can happen in Vienna, Paris, anywhere. We mustn’t close our eyes and pretend to be ignorant of such crucial issues. We need to play an active role in ensuring that our future is well protected. This is our world. Let’s not let terrorists run amock with our fears.

Please join me and millions of others at Avaaz and voice our thoughts and feelings to the millions of newspapers across India and Pakistan, telling them that we are stronger than ever.

I was recently listening to a Pink Floyd album “The Division Bell,” and there is this song “Keep Talking,” which kind of reminded me of how mankind has evolved over the years. Many might ignore Darwin’s theory of evolution and survival of the fittest and simply believe in divine intervention. I’m not trying to start any argument by any means. So just hold your horses.

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Some more Gecko clips here… I love these commercials…

I invite you to view some of these Geico Gecko commercials, courtesy of YouTube.

A destiny unfolds upon our arrival
Laying the foundation for the days to come
Building an intricate maze of our future
With many dark holes and a few rays of light

As we set forth on our journey
We ask and seek, toil and tumble
And we remember and regress,
To move forward with a brushed up soul

While it stares us in the eye,
Mocks our choices on the cornerstone,
Laughs at our plights and determination
It also burns fuels the flares which gives us the courage.

And this cycle of events refrains
Ultimately giving us the wisdom to understand
That we do not seek to surpass the labyrinth
But to endure its effect and brush up the soul